Random musings...

I find myself feeling a little better this week.  A little less heady and anxious. It's been interesting to watch the Occupy Wall Street protest play out worldwide now.  I don't know how I feel about it.  On one hand it's good to see some people taking action.  On the other it's a shame to see people angrily jabbing the finger at the problem and making the assumption that the world is fucked because of some very vague group they are demonizing. I wish them luck. It does indeed send a message to politicians. Hopefully it scares the crap out of them. At least the world is awake and knows we are headed for trouble. BUT in my opinion real change starts at an individual level right at home, not in some angry mob.

So in the name of change I've been making another attempt at the practice of sitting.  Just sitting and feeling the alive presence of awareness that radiates through me. (and of course through all sentient beings...) I've been using guided meditations from the Meditation Oasis podcast on itunes. A simple ten minutes in a chair in the quiet of my den is all it take to stop the mental noise.  Finding even thirty seconds of stillness within the session is worth the effort I'd say.  I use to get hung up on my lotus posture and my inability to concentrate, but this time I am just detaching from the whole idea of achieving something in the first place. 

Perhaps we do not need to practice meditation in a certain way or achieve any new goal to reach peace.  It's easy to get caught up in fad diets, financial austerity, reducing caffeine intake, exercising more, etc. Most people do this stuff to "get well" and shriek suffering.  I for one am obsessed with self improvement, but the fact of the matter is I'm trying to improve a self that doesn't exist. What I AM has nothing to improve. I came out of the infinite, the perfect, the timeless and I only have to be separate from that by choice.

Perhaps we don't have to achieve peace.  Maybe we have to return to it...

Breath/Yoga/Thrive

-Adam

Nothing Real Can Be Threatened...

So I've been stuck in my head for four months now. Couldn't find the words or summon the patience to blog. Pretty miserable really. The ego reals me in at it's leisure and I had all but given up on ever ridding myself of the critical voice that dictates my fears and anxieties 24/7. But Thursday my wife and I went to yoga and I guess the spirit of the universe saw fit to direct me outward through an new energy path. Later that night I walked into my favorite coffee shop and my gaze fell directly on a Alternative living magazine as if at random. I flipped through it and read my horoscope. I noticed briefly a section of event listings and a group that studies A Course in Miracles, the old new age text from the 70's that was supposedly dictated to psychologist Helen Schucman by the voice of Christ. It's basically non dual Buddhism wrapped in Christian terminology with some really interesting reinterpretations of scripture.

Anyhow...as I got home I downloaded the Course and started to read a little. I've tried to start this book and the daily exercises countless times as advised by a couple of my 12 step gurus, but never made it very far. A few lines grabbed me from the introduction as I read Thursday night and they have stuck with me through the weekend.

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."

Further reading made me realize just how uptight I've been lately. If all that exist is a God Consciousness (what's real) and everything else is a manifestation of ego (the unreal) then my depression lies in faulty perceptions. The Course basically states that what we know as reality is a projection of our inner state. My reality then is totally bogus as much of my experience is dominated by fear, anxiety, worry, judgement...all forms of mental noise.

When I quiet my mind a new reality emerges. I can hear my foot steps as I walk, notice my individual breaths and the subtleties around me. I can listen more attentively. I can find joy in having a smoke in the evening's silence or petting the dog. This is all stuff I miss when I'm trapped in ego. No matter how hard I try and beat the spiritual drum the ego must dissipate on it's own. Trying to crush it only enrages it. You can't kill ego with ego. So for now I'll continue my reading and report back.

A couple of useful links about the Course.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_course_in_miracles

http://acim.org/

peace

5 steps to more smiles and less stress...

Here's a philosophy I have created based on the last 18 months or so of my life. Along the way I have run a 5k, lost 65 pounds, enrolled back in school and come along way from the fat, depressed, exhausted person that started this blog in early 2010...

1) Prioritize: What's really important? What do you look forward to the most? What's stopping you from doing it right now?!?!?! I've recently been reading blogs and e books about time management.  In essence if you try and pack in too much you are stealing from yourself.  Your quality of life suffers. For me I need to be giving myself to another person.  If my schedule is too tight to be with the people I love or be of service to a friend or member of my recovery fellowship my life isn't sustainable.  It's important to be honest with ourselves about what we can accomplish and what is even worth accomplishing.  At a certain level we are merely polishing our egos with added commitments and more time at the office.  For me a coffee date with my wife and dog is probably the most important thing in my entire day. What get's you going? What's number one?

2) Use your passion to get your paycheck:  We all gotta eat.  We need cash, but nothing is worse than sacrificing your values for an employer you don't respect.  Not everyone can drop everything to find the perfect job, but what adjustments could you make so you were at least using your talents to bring home a portion of the rent?  I'm a people person.  If I'm not working directly with a customer (in my case patients in a hospital) I go crazy.  Phone calls, paperwork and staff meetings drain me of energy.  I need to serve.  Finding out your skill set is just as important as finding the ultimate gig.  A cut in pay could be worth it if you could start using a skill set that resonated with your core values. You could also sign up for a cheap class at a community college to work towards the degree or certification you want for the dream gig. I felt stuck for years until I walked into an advisement office and in half an hour I was enrolled in school with a detailed plan to get where I want to go.  Every step toward your goal is filled with life lessons that will serve you in the end.

3) Cut the fat: There is no sense doing things that don't line up with your over all vision.  I use to lose sleep over losing touch with old friends or not keeping up with commitments which really didn't mean that much to me.  Since you already know your priorities, cut out anything that doesn't line up. There is no need to waste valuable time doing things that don't get you excited. When you are clear about where you are heading the list of things you absolutely must do gets pretty short. The shorter you can get your "must" list the more stress free your life will be.

4) Use a to do list: We all have maintenance and little errands to take care of in life. Stay organized with a list, a planner or a smart phone app.  Checking off the little tasks will give you momentum and you can keep tabs on things that need to be accomplished through out the week or by the end of the month.  Automate you finances if you can.  My wife and I pay most of our bills in less than 30 seconds right from our phones. My wife also uses the Fly Lady system to keep the house clean.

5) Focus: Always have your goals in mind. I usually have goals in all areas of my life.  I've been on a weight loss journey for over a year, I'm working on my running so I will be in shape for a 5k later this year, I'm slowly working on a degree in respiratory therapy and we have all sorts of other goals. Financial goals, home maintenance, etc. Look at how each day and its experiences are serving your over all goals in life.  Get pumped about where you want to go and then watch it come together one day at time.  When you are frustrated focus on an area that is going well as opposed to the hick ups in another. Having an intense sense of focus about your life and its purpose will help remind you that you are heading some place bigger and better.  The lessons along the way are what will give you the most joy and wisdom in the end!

Peace, Love, Thrive...

mellow

Less is so much more...

Sitting down to do a few odds and ends tonight.  Balance the check book, puff on a cigar and do a little spring cleaning on the blog.  I hope you all enjoy the new layout.  Trying to get it as zen as possible.  Had an incredible night with friends as we watched an old classic thriller. Arachnophobia.  Jeff Bridges at his finest, running from that monster spider trying to take over his little town. Listening to latest shenanigans from Radiohead, it dawns on me lately how much better life is this last year as I've reeled in a few loose ends. 

• Less foolishness with our money leads to way less stress
• Less time fooling around on distracting message boards leads to more time reading constructive blogs
• Less time stuck in my head leads to more time attentive to my awesome wife and dog
• Less terrible food has led to a leaner, lighter and happier me
• Less grasping at enlightenment leads to more time feeling fulfilled in this incredible human experience

When I look at the results of chopping out all the excess it makes me smile. I think this is why monks and preists take on monastic life. If you have fewer possessions there is nothing to cling to! I'm finally enrolled in school and working (slow but steady) toward a degree in a very rewarding field. I'm thrilled to clock in at the hospital and help my patients...even the grumpy ones.

But the most important achievement has been just letting go a little more each day.  Sure there have been some days where my old uptight and neurotic self has returned, but for the most part I am living life in a much more humbled and content fashion.  The biggest take away has been that if you set lower expectations that can actually be met you don't have to deal with the nagging resentment of having outrageous expectations that never get met!

Expecting lavish and romantic dinners is replaced with simple chats over coffee and tea.  Looking forward to that glutinous vacation is replaced by being satisfied with that quick flight home to see loved ones.  The people who matter and teach us the most...and for all those family and friends I am so grateful.  I'm heading home this weekend to see my grandma who has deteriorated quite a bit mentally, but knowing she is in good spirits and well taken care of by supportive family members makes me happy. All in all everything is as it should be...and it always will be. Cuz it is what it is...

mellow

Make that body happy...

I wanted to post something positive today so I thought I would post a recipe for the morning smoothie that has been a staple in my weigh loss journey. I just made it to the 50 pound mark this week and this is how I start every day.

Try this...

~3-4 servings fruit

I use frozen mixed berries, some cherries and strawberries. Then I add a large banana and a can of dole pineapple chunks with juice.

~ A little yogurt

This past week I used 4 oz cups of Greek yogurt b/c they were on sale. But soy yogurt is great if you are vegan. Any low fat option will do.

~1/2 a cup milk

2% or skim will do fine, but I've been using soy and almond milk lately. You could use juice too if you were feeling tropical!

~ A handful of spinach, chard or any green leafy stuff.

You can omit this ingredient if you want, but a little agave or maple syrup will cover the taste of the greens and this way you can start your day with a serving of leafy veggies in addition to your massive amount of fruit. Your immune system with thank me!

Try a piece of whole grain bread or an english muffin with a little bit of flax seed oil to round out this super quick breakfast.

You can take this to the meditation cushion, the yoga mat or in the the car with you if you are running late. There is no excuse to miss out on a great breakfast. Everyone has time!

~mellow

Life is but a dream...

Its been a daily struggle to slow down lately.  I found myself zipping into a Starbucks this morning nearly knocking over a good friend of mine.  What's worse, I didn't even realize it was him and walked off only to be embarrassed a few second later as he stood laughing at me waiting for a greeting.  Spaced out and detached, some days my ego doesn't even let me hang out with the rest of the human race. I'm missing out on a lot...plants, animals and all the rest of the great stuff in our universe are totally out of the question when my focus is a just sliver of presence spent meandering back in forth in my head between the past and future. It bugs me a lot, but beating myself up only makes it worse.  The zen masters say you have to "watch the thinker" or step back and examine the ego playing its games.  Somehow it always slides in through the back gate and starts commenting on the scene again.  I can't escape! But knowing is half the battle right?

~mellow